Have you ever felt like a failure?

Because I just did today. And it’s not like i want to talk to anyone about this either. That’s the problem. Only I can deal with this problem. But maybe this is just something that comes with wanting face and keeping my reputation, but I went from having such lows, to a little bit of a high, and now look where I am again.

I don’t even know if there’s even anything worth celebrating…..

I know the position I’m currently in doesn’t exactly mean that I’ve hit a dead end and there is nothing I can do about, but the feeling of waiting, that you’ve already messed up. The CHANCE that you can’t save it. This is what is scary.

What am I going to do if the bad things happen? How am i going to face myself and wake up every morning telling myself that everything will still be okay?


I guess time will tell.


but until then. I guess i’m back to writing online.

a place to dump my deepest and darkest secrets? or just things i don’t want to tell anyone because they’re not worth telling and I still want my face and reputation?


I hope i can look back at this in a few year and say. I had some really deep lows, but it made be stronger and better.


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