a line that i’m really connecting with from John Mayer, and this connection didn’t really happen till like today.

When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she’s not, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

see, this song before this weekend was just a love song to me.
some guy/girl, has a broken heart, and they just can’t move on,
and there’s an empty space.

but this week, after feeling like a hermit,
just not wanting to move,
nothing going right,
don’t know what i’m doing,

i can’t confirm or deny that i was feeling depressed
it was just a feeling,
pretty sure i was just feeling really sad, because i wasn’t doing anything, or going anywhere
i mean, i was THIS close to crying this morning because i left my phone in the car……

this song, this passage just has a new meaning to me.

to me, it’s now saying that i’m dreaming of where i want to go,
but i’m lost,
and waking up to do whatever i want to do is the hardest part,
and when i do wake up, sitting up and getting to work and to get motivated is just so hard.
one moment i was so motivated, determined to get where i want to be,
but now i’m just in this slump, in this ditch.
the person i was, was she really here?
the person i want to be, is still standing in my room?

and the answer is, no,
cause she’s gone, gone, gone…..
perhaps i’ll find motivation again sometime soon,
but at least for now,
i don’t know.

i need time to stop,
i need some motivation
i need encouragement
i need reassurance that it’s gonna be okay.

i need some time to stop and think.

i don’t know what i’m doing.