why hello depressing place, we meet again.

well before anyone gets freaked out,
no, i’m not gonna go emo and like put all myself in a hole and hide.
it’s just one of those “something doesn’t feel right” blogs

this is probably the BILLIONTH time i’ve said this,
but i hate how i only talk about something when it’s like the last second
when i’ve been in so deep, that it’ll take so much more effort to change anything…

yay, school is ending,
and now all we need to do is to wait for ubc and such to report back to us
probably half of the population of grade 12 in the GVR is doing this,
every night, my mom doesn’t let this slip my mine
“there’s only one more month! don’t slack off now”
okay mom, okay…
well, now, i’m in big doodoo,
out of all the classes i’m taking right now,
i probably got a bad mark from a recent test, or just did a bad test in 5 of those classes…
what is this now?
5/7 more than 50%,
and no i’m not even talking about asian fail, it’s like, a BAD mark in general,
like, it’s not a mark where you even go,
oh you’re almost there,
the mark and the disappoint is so discouraging.
i mean, what a bad end to the year,
it makes me feel so stupid,
or like, this has pushed me to the point when i think it’s too late to try
i’m tired,
i just wanna sleep,
i just wanna stare at the sky
i just wanna hang out with my friends,
i’ve had enough, there’s only more 20 days left…
i’m too tired,
bad marks, probably lessen the chance of going to hk,
no LPI done, they’re not even letting me go
ministry marks don’t match reported grades?
do they take back the offer?
i’m scared, since they’re so asian it’s all about the uni,
you know, oh it’s if not uni i don’t like it…
my parents tell me how their co-workers have kids that can’t get into uni,
it puts a question in my head,
was my offer a mistake?
i’m doing so bad at school
it’s just those few subjects that pulled me up,
what if they take the offer to art back?
what am i going to do then?
i probably can’t stand to live with the fact that my parents are ashamed with me
i don’t know what to do
there’s not many tests left,
homework doesn’t count for marks,
am i just gonna sit here and wait?
i’m so lost,

and now i’m back,
to that point at the beginning of the year,
when everything wasn’t on track,
except this time
i’ve fallen off,
i wasn’t very stable in the first place,
and now i have fallen.
i’m lost,
it’s too late,
i feel useless,
i feel like crap,
i feel stupid,
i hate how complicated my life has become,

grade12 was a bad year in average,
eff this
what am i even doing here?
it hurts.

okay maybe NOW i’m not that okay…


2 thoughts on “why hello depressing place, we meet again.

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