(i’m starting to think that i picked the right name for this blog. i only come here when i’m “high” haha)
Obligatory spoiler warning about a super old Taiwanese TV Drama “The Rose”
I guess some back story before I start spilling the beans. There’s currently a global pandemic and we’re stuck at home. With this extra time on my hands, for some reason I started thinking about my all time favourite Taiwan television drama “The Rose”.
This show gave me life when I first watched it. The show released in 2003 (when I was 10), but I don’t really remember how old I was when I watched it – probably around 12 (maybe grade 8?). Y’know. Canada is delayed in getting these shows. I started watching it because my mom was watching it and told me to watch it with her. And let me tell you! I was hooked. (as I’m writing this, I’m starting to doubt my memory….did I know about S.H.E first, or did I watch the show first?…). This show set unrealistic expectations of love and life on my impressionable young mind. I felt like the main character (played by Ella Chen, which is why my Twitch name till this day is still ellARIEL). I guess I didn’t think I was very pretty and didn’t think very highly of myself, and that I was waiting for my a handsome prince of mix race to come save me. Although throughout high school I knew that’s not going to happen, but this didn’t stop the show from creeping up into my life once in a while. I vividly remember my mom recorded the show on VHS and while replaying the tape I would pause and write down romantic quotes from the show, like: “我發現有一個地方，一年四季都飄著大雪，那個地方就在菫的心裡。” (I found a place that is snowing all four seasons of the year, that place is inside of Jin’s heart) There were lots! I would cry watching these scenes over and over again too. I’m pretty sure it helped with some Chinese practice as well.
And now, here we are. 17 years later. I somehow started rewatching “The Rose” since I have so much more time on my hands due to COVID-19. I finished it all in about a week. 47 episodes. 40 minutes each. Of course, my feelings and nostalgia are still there, it never left. At first when I started watching this, I realized that I was getting attached to show. It was like I was back in high school again. But I told myself. “Nah, I’m an adult now. I won’t let myself get to that stage.” This was backed up with moments where I laughed at the show and criticized it’s odd plot lines. “How did I fall for this!? LOL” (The female lead and the male lead finally got into a relationship after like 35 episodes and suddenly she’s his fiancé!? I didn’t see him propose!? Also is no one going to question the fact that he only said “I like you. I love you” AND THEN THEY’RE GONNA GET MARRIED?!)
However, as we got closer to the end of the show I started missing that feeling. That feeling of being a teen and gushing at these cheesy lines. I started missing these actors and actress that I spent so much time crushing on, and admiring the acting skills. One thing lead to another, and I dove into the deep hole of Google. I looked them up on Wikipedia, and searched up videos of them on YouTube. I miss them. I really do. Joe Cheng looks great, and Ella is still her. Suddenly I felt a strong urge to keep up with their news and updates. It’s like a piece of my childhood that I don’t want to let go. But it’s nearly 20 years now. Do I need to grow up and leave this behind? Do I need to accept that these are celebrities that filled my childhood, and they’ll forever be unreachable?Can I still rewatch “The Rose” once in a while and be allowed to relive these feelings? Will I be able to go to S.H.E’s concert before they retire for good? How do I find a balance between these nostalgic memories and living in the present?
Before I started writing this post, I though that the actors were all on Weibo, but to my surprise they’re on Instagram so that comforts me a bit. I want to be able to hold on to these pieces of my childhood for as long as I can. This show shaped who I am, unrealistic or not, this is me.
(oh my. while looking for a picture to post at the end, the website that i used to watch my Chinese shows is still alive T___T https://sugoideas.com/)